At our recent Alumni Weekend, I had the good fortune of spending time with many friends who had returned to celebrate our school and the value of the education they received here. One thing that impressed me was how many people had kept in touch with their classmates and had built lasting friendships. As much as people wanted to come back to their educational home and support Dentistry, it was clear that just as many were excited to gather together with friends. More than simple companionship, lasting friendships have the power to help shape our identity, improve our health, and remind us of our collective humanity.
Many of my own long-term friendships are integral to my life. I am fortunate to have colleagues I see at professional events, and catching up with them over dinner is a great way to unwind after long days. I think we all benefit from time spent with our friends. I learned this lesson early in life watching my dad's friends help him build his house.
My dad, Tom Reddy, was forty years old when he sat down and designed a modest one-story, three-bedroom ranch house. That was impressive enough, but then he somehow convinced five of his closest friends to build it with him. I had just entered my teens, so of course I was enlisted to help. I learned a lot, and not just how to waterproof a foundation or nail a subfloor. I also learned the value of friendship and what good friends are willing to do for each other. My dad lived in that house for the rest of his life. Whenever his friends visited, they joked about humorous misadventures during the construction. The experiences we have with good friends are part of our shared identity.
Friends cheer us on when we take on new challenges, and next to family, they are the ones we seek out when we want to celebrate our achievements. The value of friendship runs deep. Friends support us in challenging times, and research shows that strong social ties are linked to better physical and mental health. It’s not surprising that having close friends reduces our risk of depression and lowers stress levels. But the benefits go deeper. Being part of a strong social circle has been shown to improve immune function and reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease and type 2 diabetes. And if that doesn't convince you of the importance of friendship, a 1965 landmark study of 7,000 men and women in Alameda found that “people who were disconnected from others were roughly three times more likely to die during the nine-year study than people with strong social ties.”
Of course, it's not all roses. There are tough times in any friendship—the thorns if you will indulge the metaphor. But this reveals another value of friendship, which is that it makes us reflect on who and what is important in our lives. It’s easy to have casual friends who come and go, but if we want a friendship that can stand the test of time, then we have to make a solid effort. We must meet people halfway, show up when it matters, and admit when we are wrong. Preserving friendships challenges us to be better people since this kind of work isn’t easy. It requires us to have empathy and to be humble, which are beneficial qualities in relationships and good for our own health, as well. So, maybe it is like roses after all—in the sense that friendships are living things that require nurturing and maintenance.
It’s never too late to make new friends, by the way. My work has required me to move around the country at times and through this experience, I learned that we can make friends wherever we go. Volunteering for causes that you passionately believe in will put you in contact with people who share your values. Even in the digital age where so much happens online, you can still find clubs for people with hobbies. If you enjoy playing music, knitting, reading, cooking, archery, photography—or just about anything—there are enthusiastic, like-minded people you can connect with.
Those happy faces I saw at Alumni Weekend stuck with me. Seeing old friends reconnect was truly inspiring. Making these trips can be financially and even physically demanding as time goes by, but friendship is worth it. Friends make us more genuine, grounded, and whole. They enrich our lives in quiet and profound ways.
Though the pandemic is behind us, in that period of isolation we probably drifted away from one or two people who used to play a more prominent role in our lives. As we navigate another uncertain time, this might be a perfect moment to get in touch, see how they’re doing, and remind them that they matter.
Michael S. Reddy, DMD, DMSc
Dean, UCSF School of Dentistry
Associate Vice Chancellor, Oral Health Affairs
